About the study

“We analyzed over 500,000 first contacts on our dating site, OkCupid. Our program looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected reply rates, and what trends were statistically significant. The result: a set of rules for what you should and shouldn’t say when introducing yourself.”

The five guidelines

1. Bad grammar and bad spelling are huge turn-offs
2. Avoid physical compliments
3. Use an unusual greeting
4. Bring up specific interests
5. If you’re a guy, be self-effacing

Let’s put these in to practice. Our example profile material is from a late 20s, female, eharmony.com user.

“I’ve tried online dating before and didn’t have any luck, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, so it’s I’m at it again.

A few things I love:

- bad jokes
- old school rap
- laughing
- 90s music – some favorites of mine include Third Eye Blind, Matchbox 20 and Tupac (I said I liked old school rap, right?)

I’m a receptionist. It’s not impressive, but I love people and this way I get to be around a lot of different people every day, whether they like it or not, haha. Plus, I stay busy.

I’m good at yoga. I can’t brag too much though as I have a great instructor.

You should message me if, you have a sense of humor, aren’t a stick in the mud and take care of yourself physically. I don’t take this very seriously, so it’d be nice if you didn’t either.”

For our example, we’ll assume we’re the average online dating service subscriber, a mid 20s male. Let’s get started with our message.

Use an unusual greeting
For many, the toughest part of writing is the introduction. If you’re like me, finding a way to open a message that isn’t “Hey, what’s up?” or “How are you?” is a chore. Instead, try replying to something in the profile as if you were having a conversation. She mentions:

“I’ve tried the online dating thing before and didn’t have any luck, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, so it’s still worth a shot…I don’t take this very seriously, so it’d be nice if you didn’t either.”

Perfect. Let’s respond to those two tidbits to open. Since most women prefer an older man, we’ll get that elephant out of the room right off the bat.

“But internet dating is serious business! Seriously though, I’m pretty sure I’m out of the age range you’re looking for, but nothing ventured, nothing gained right?”

Not bad. Let’s continue.

Bring up specific interests.
I personally also enjoy 90s music. Let’s show a little confidence and mention being open to yoga as well.

“Third Eye Blind is one of my all time favorites. I’ve never tried yoga before. I’d definitely be down for that.”

Avoid physical compliments.
Finally, we’ll keep our message short and end with a compliment and a question to keep the conversation going. Most mention what they do in their profile and our example is no different.

I’m a receptionist. It doesn’t sound impressive, but I love people and this way I get access to all of them, whether they like it or not.

Here’s our closer:
“I like that you’re secure with what you do and don’t preface it with “Right now I’m…” and end it with “, but I’m going to…”. What did you want to be when you were little? “

and the finished message:

“But internet dating is serious business! Seriously though, I’m pretty sure I’m out of the age range you’re looking for, but nothing ventured, nothing gained right? Third Eye Blind is one of my all time favorites. I’ve never tried any type of yoga before. I’d definitely be down for that. I like that you’re secure with what you do and don’t preface it with “Right now I’m..” and end it with “, but …”. What did you want to be when you were little?”

Friends Reunited Dating

“Nearly 50% of the adult internet population (UK) are members of Friends Reunited, and with the single population growing rapidly each year we are confident in saying that many of our Friends members are looking for a long term partner as well as new friends. Friends Reunited Dating hopes to achieve this, as the dating site is about meeting NEW friends as a potential partner and not about pairing up with an old schoolfriend.

Over the last few years Friends Reunited Dating has grown from strength to strength. We were the fastest growing dating website in 2004-5″

Cost: Free to sign-up.  £9 per month for full service. 

Feature of Note:

• Messenger service is the best among competitors.

Conclusion:

For Men:

You’ll be faced with three likely scenarios.

1. She trusts you enough to let you pick her up at home.
2. You meet outside her apartment complex or some place within walking distance to her place.
3. You meet at the date site.

Scenario 2: If she lives in an apartment or is meeting you somewhere to be picked up, go ahead and park. Turn off the vehicle, get out and meet her and do the above. Open the door for her when you both get in to the vehicle.

Scenario 3: Since you’ll see each other before you’re within hugging range like at a doorstep, take a quick glance and make eye contact when you recognize each other. Then, walk over without staring at her the whole time. Just walk casually over in your confident posture taking a quick survey of the venue as you would any other time. When you’re within a comfortable distance, give that big smile and repeat scenario 1.

A few DON’Ts:

• Don’t do the handshake thing – it’s odd. This isn’t a business or passing introduction. If you’re not a hugger, this may be a little awkward for you, but it sets the tone that this is about a romance and relationship.
• If you are picking her up in some common area, try not to just pull up and have her get in. At least get out and open the door for her.

For Women:

Whether your date is picking you up or you’re meeting him, remember to be on time! Men understand that it takes while for ladies to get ready, but that’s still no excuse to answer the door with half your face and one sock on. If you’re running behind, let him know before he gets there. Same applies for meeting him at the date site. Let him know if you’re running late.

Ok, so you’ve spent a couple hours making yourself look great and he’s finally here. Take a deep breath and calm yourself a bit. Know that he is just as nervous as you.

Scenario 1: When you open the door flash a big genuine smile and accept the hug. If he offers a handshake, go for the hug anyway. He will appreciate the openness and display of affection. Simply parrot back his compliments and be enthusiastic.

Scenario 2: If you’re not comfortable being picked up at your home for the first date, that’s perfectly OK. However, if you are going to be picked up, pick a spot that allows him to park and get out to greet you. If you stand curbside and hop in when he shows up, that makes for an awkward side of the head first impression as you roll to your date destination.

Scenario 3: As with the men’s advice, act casual but enthusiastic as you meet. If you have a long walk across an eatery or venue, give a quick “I see you!” look and smile and then proceed normally like you would any other time, careful not to hold awkward eye contact the whole way.

Some More Don’ts:

• Don’t allow your date situations where he can shine in the small things. In the pick-up example, have him pick you up at a place where he can get out and open and close doors for you. This is a great first indicator of the type of guy he is.
• Don’t have a guy pick you up at your place unless you’ve at least had a few phone or Skype conversations with him.

Good luck, and remember to SMILE!

Cost: From $34.99 per month

Users: 15 million+

Match.com is the first paid online dating service we’ll be taking a look at. Though the user base is smaller than Plenty of Fish and other free services, Match.com offers a more refined profile and matching system. Match.com requires you to be a paid subscriber to take part in any meaningful way. While this may not appeal to casual users, it helps to weed out those that aren’t serious about online dating. Also, the user base tends to be a bit older with more disposable income.

Features:

   Plenty of Fish  

Cost: Free!

Users:  30 Million Registered