OkCupid ran an eye-opening experiment on the effects of certain keywords in messages. Here’s the short version:

About the study

“We analyzed over 500,000 first contacts on our dating site, OkCupid. Our program looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected reply rates, and what trends were statistically significant. The result: a set of rules for what you should and shouldn’t say when introducing yourself.”

The five guidelines

1. Bad grammar and bad spelling are huge turn-offs
2. Avoid physical compliments
3. Use an unusual greeting
4. Bring up specific interests
5. If you’re a guy, be self-effacing

Let’s put these in to practice. Our example profile material is from a late 20s, female, eharmony.com user.

“I’ve tried online dating before and didn’t have any luck, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, so it’s I’m at it again.

A few things I love:

- bad jokes
- old school rap
- laughing
- 90s music – some favorites of mine include Third Eye Blind, Matchbox 20 and Tupac (I said I liked old school rap, right?)

I’m a receptionist. It’s not impressive, but I love people and this way I get to be around a lot of different people every day, whether they like it or not, haha. Plus, I stay busy.

I’m good at yoga. I can’t brag too much though as I have a great instructor.

You should message me if, you have a sense of humor, aren’t a stick in the mud and take care of yourself physically. I don’t take this very seriously, so it’d be nice if you didn’t either.”

For our example, we’ll assume we’re the average online dating service subscriber, a mid 20s male. Let’s get started with our message.

Use an unusual greeting
For many, the toughest part of writing is the introduction. If you’re like me, finding a way to open a message that isn’t “Hey, what’s up?” or “How are you?” is a chore. Instead, try replying to something in the profile as if you were having a conversation. She mentions:

“I’ve tried the online dating thing before and didn’t have any luck, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, so it’s still worth a shot…I don’t take this very seriously, so it’d be nice if you didn’t either.”

Perfect. Let’s respond to those two tidbits to open. Since most women prefer an older man, we’ll get that elephant out of the room right off the bat.

“But internet dating is serious business! Seriously though, I’m pretty sure I’m out of the age range you’re looking for, but nothing ventured, nothing gained right?”

Not bad. Let’s continue.

Bring up specific interests.
I personally also enjoy 90s music. Let’s show a little confidence and mention being open to yoga as well.

“Third Eye Blind is one of my all time favorites. I’ve never tried yoga before. I’d definitely be down for that.”

Avoid physical compliments.
Finally, we’ll keep our message short and end with a compliment and a question to keep the conversation going. Most mention what they do in their profile and our example is no different.

I’m a receptionist. It doesn’t sound impressive, but I love people and this way I get access to all of them, whether they like it or not.

Here’s our closer:
“I like that you’re secure with what you do and don’t preface it with “Right now I’m…” and end it with “, but I’m going to…”. What did you want to be when you were little? “

and the finished message:

“But internet dating is serious business! Seriously though, I’m pretty sure I’m out of the age range you’re looking for, but nothing ventured, nothing gained right? Third Eye Blind is one of my all time favorites. I’ve never tried any type of yoga before. I’d definitely be down for that. I like that you’re secure with what you do and don’t preface it with “Right now I’m..” and end it with “, but …”. What did you want to be when you were little?”