By far, the first in-person meet is the most gut-wrenching part of the online dating experience. Ask your friends for advice and you’ll get the usual vague platitudes that all mean about the same: “Just be yourself. You’ll be fine! That doesn’t help much, does it? To help ease the pain a bit, here are the best ways to handle the first meet.

For Men:

You’ll be faced with three likely scenarios.

1. She trusts you enough to let you pick her up at home.
2. You meet outside her apartment complex or some place within walking distance to her place.
3. You meet at the date site.

Scenario 2: If she lives in an apartment or is meeting you somewhere to be picked up, go ahead and park. Turn off the vehicle, get out and meet her and do the above. Open the door for her when you both get in to the vehicle.

Scenario 3: Since you’ll see each other before you’re within hugging range like at a doorstep, take a quick glance and make eye contact when you recognize each other. Then, walk over without staring at her the whole time. Just walk casually over in your confident posture taking a quick survey of the venue as you would any other time. When you’re within a comfortable distance, give that big smile and repeat scenario 1.

A few DON’Ts:

• Don’t do the handshake thing – it’s odd. This isn’t a business or passing introduction. If you’re not a hugger, this may be a little awkward for you, but it sets the tone that this is about a romance and relationship.
• If you are picking her up in some common area, try not to just pull up and have her get in. At least get out and open the door for her.

For Women:

Whether your date is picking you up or you’re meeting him, remember to be on time! Men understand that it takes while for ladies to get ready, but that’s still no excuse to answer the door with half your face and one sock on. If you’re running behind, let him know before he gets there. Same applies for meeting him at the date site. Let him know if you’re running late.

Ok, so you’ve spent a couple hours making yourself look great and he’s finally here. Take a deep breath and calm yourself a bit. Know that he is just as nervous as you.

Scenario 1: When you open the door flash a big genuine smile and accept the hug. If he offers a handshake, go for the hug anyway. He will appreciate the openness and display of affection. Simply parrot back his compliments and be enthusiastic.

Scenario 2: If you’re not comfortable being picked up at your home for the first date, that’s perfectly OK. However, if you are going to be picked up, pick a spot that allows him to park and get out to greet you. If you stand curbside and hop in when he shows up, that makes for an awkward side of the head first impression as you roll to your date destination.

Scenario 3: As with the men’s advice, act casual but enthusiastic as you meet. If you have a long walk across an eatery or venue, give a quick “I see you!” look and smile and then proceed normally like you would any other time, careful not to hold awkward eye contact the whole way.

Some More Don’ts:

• Don’t allow your date situations where he can shine in the small things. In the pick-up example, have him pick you up at a place where he can get out and open and close doors for you. This is a great first indicator of the type of guy he is.
• Don’t have a guy pick you up at your place unless you’ve at least had a few phone or Skype conversations with him.

Good luck, and remember to SMILE!